I think it’s time. I’ve got two trials coming up next month and once those are done I’m pretty much down to my last file. I don’t think I can afford to wait anymore on new work. It doesn’t look like it’s coming any time soon.

I can’t pretend like this is unexpected. I knew when I left my old firm that it was a Hail Mary pass. My choice was to stay and definitely go under or bolt and possibly go under. So I took my shot and didn’t make it. Boo hoo.

My new firm hasn’t lost any money on me. That haven’t really made any either, but at least it’s been a break even proposition. They’re not forcing me out the door – yet. They’d probably give me another six months. But then they would be losing money on me and I don’t really want to be responsible for that. I’m not willing to take advantage of other people’s generosity the way others have taken advantage of mine.

So the question is, what now? I guess I could look into an associate job someplace. That will be excrutiatingly humiliating, and I’m not sure it would even work politically. I would probably be perceived as being too big a personality for that, and rightfully so I guess. I wouldn’t hire someone like me. Too much head butting involved, no matter how well intentioned everybody is.

I could try to move to a captive. One of the local ones was hiring a few weeks ago. I should have applied. A few weeks ago I was still hoping for the best, though.

I could look into contract lawyering. Nice, huh. I’ve been practicing for thirteen years, I’ve tried fifteen jury trials, God knows how many bench trials. I’ve deposed some of the foremost physicians in the country. I’ve been the president of two bar associations and a while back I was asked to address the new crop of bar admittees at their swearing in ceremony. Contract lawyering.

But I don’t know what else to do. If I had the energy I would try to chronicle all this, what the recession hath wrought, because I’m sure I’m not the only one. I suspect there are a lot of us out there floundering, getting sucked into chasms and dying slow anonymous deaths. Is that a sense of entitlement talking? I don’t think so.

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4 Responses to Finis.

  1. Anon says:

    Can you become “Of Counsel” somewhere?

  2. CMS says:

    You are a bad ass! I’ve been in a similar ruinous thought and emotional situation as you describe; Real, depressing circumstances and life issues, plus the isolated, lonely world of the litigator. Its one hell of a way to make a living. Thank you for your openness.

  3. JerzLaw says:

    I am new to your blog and was stunned into silence by your frankness and desperate situation. I hope that you have persevered in some satisfactory manner and survived whether as a lawyer or whatever. Please give an update as to how you are doing.

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