Ativan, How Do I Love Thee?

Let me count the ways. 

Is there a non-sociopathic lawyer who doesn’t take an anti-anxietal?  I know, I know, the more important question is are there non-sociopathic lawyers?  There are.  See my Stupid Happiness Project post. 

Everyone I know is taking something, as am I.  What sort of pathetic fucking job has a pharmaceutical for a prerequisite?  And I’m not some misbegotten waif who got lost on the way to estates and tax.  Courtrooms don’t scare me.  Crowds of people don’t scare me.  I speak in public all the time these days and hardly ever bother to prepare beforehand anymore. 

I’m just so sick of being under attack.  ALL THE TIME.  When I became a litigator I was prepared for the adversary system.  I was not prepared for life in a law firm.  Law firms are populated by the evil, the malicious, the power hungry, the narcissistic, the delusional, the addicted, and the mice.  If you are a mouse you are dead meat and you might as well take a legal aid job now.  I mean now, stop reading, go apply, now.

The rest of the categories are self-explanatory with the exception of the delusional, of which there are two sub-types.  The first kind is the truly delusional person.  Sadly, he believes that despite the fact that he now weighs more than he can claim in receiveables, everything is fine.  It’s not fine, of course, and as soon as the rest of the partners can figure out how, the delusional partner will be bumped to emeritus or just fired with as little pomp and circumstance as possible.

Then there is the second category of delusional, the kind that includes most lawyers not otherwise classified by the DSM IV.  They are delusional because they turn blind eyes to their partners (who are stealing, or drugging, or fucking, or whatever else they can get away with on firm time); their associates (who are doing much of the same, but at lower hourly rates); the judiciary (which is doing something when it can be roused from its otherwise peaceful slumber); politicians (no parenthetical needed); and their families (who don’t understand why daddy or mommy is SO ANGRY all the time). 

The delusional take Ativan or Xanax or Oxycontin.  And then we close our eyes.

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One Response to Ativan, How Do I Love Thee?

  1. Pingback: A Lawyer’s Despair « An Associate's Mind

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